2008 ASIA Tour Diary

Sunday 27th January 2008

After working at a private 18th birthday party at my club Saturday evening I decided not to sleep as I had a 12 & half hour flight next day  to Tokyo,  this proved to be a bad move as when I arrived at Heathrow I found my flight had been delayed 3 hours so I am literally slapping my face to keep awake, I finally get on the flight with the majority Japanese, I was praying for a row of seats so I can lay down & get some rest, I had 4 seats to myself until some Japanese girl decided to sit next to me by this time all other seats had been taken so I just had to deal with it, no matter how knackered I was I just could not sleep a wink,  I had headphones on, blanket over my head, several whisky’s & still no sleep, I even wrote a poem about a girl who I was thinking about but she’s got this Asian boyfriend so it’s complicated, now this is gay I know, here I was writing poem’s on planes  but it was down to pure boredom as the in-flight on demand entertainment  & films did not interest me as I had already seen most of them & did not fancy watching again.

Tokyo

I arrive at Narita airport Tokyo, so excited with adrenaline but still exhausted with little energy, I had to get on a coach to the city where I was meeting my friend Matt; we were staying in Asaka near Rappongi which is the budget area of Tokyo, where most expats, Americans & foreigners hang out. After a power nap of about 3 hours, Matt took me on a quick tour and to an observation tower in Rappongi Hills where you get to see the city from above, a bit like the London eye but in a big fancy building, we get up there the view is vast with lots of lights & my blurred vision just about focused to take a glimpse of the big city picture.  We then went for dinner at some high class Italian restaurant where the portions were a joke I ordered prawns & got 2 big king prawns which cost me about £25, I suppose it was about quality but fucking hell I thought London was expensive, that same night we ended up at McDonalds, Ronald never lets you down!.

Next day after a few beers that night in Rappongi, Matt takes me on a mission around different areas of Tokyo; this was a nice tour of mostly fancy designer shops & crowds. In Tokyo they love to shop & eat even more so than Americans & British, but are still less fat, must be genetics. I was surprised.  I ended up buying a new camera made by Panasonic I believe I got a good a deal but couldn’t really work out the exchange rate at the time, I found out I paid £150 which wasn’t to bad needed a new camera as most of my cameras seem to break after about a month.  After about 4 hours of walking the streets we manage to find a place to eat some Japanese steak where they bring this on a hot plate that sizzles in front of you until cooked.  Evening approaches & we set on our binge to drink & drink until we drop.   We went to this English bar where we had a few pints & several smokes for the sake of being allowed to smoke in a bar, we both didn’t feel to good but still we needed to make the most of it as it’s not often you get the chance to get pissed on a Tuesday night in Tokyo.  We venture to a few bars around Rappongi in between bars we get hassled & hassled & frustrated & annoyed by Africans trying to drag you in to their seedy clubs & bars. This became a bit of nightmare especially for Matt as they seemed to love provoking him.  What word of Fuck off don’t you understand??!! After a few beers we didn’t care to much in the end, We went to a tiny little bar called Mogambo    that has a capacity of about 20 people still a great little drinking spot with a good atmosphere, we bump in to this chap called Phil who claims he’s welsh, he was in a real bad way as he was going through a divorce with his ex barrister wife, how unlucky is that, she had him totally screwed up, Phil bought us & the rest of the bar several rounds he even had  cocaine on him!!

Messed up Phil ended up taking us on a tour of every single bar in rappongi most of them empty as it was a Tuesday, we end up a jeranomo’s a shot bar, where you get a free shot with every drink, this ended up being dangerous, we were totally plastered!! There were several auzzies in there including some complete & utter pissed auzzie arss who kept on bumping in to people & spilt his beer all down my brand new Armani  jacket!!!, 10 mins later he yacks, I mean sick like you’ve never seen sick before all over the bar tables floor, Everywhere, instead of throwing the wanker out the staff were giving him water & cleaning his mess up, they let him stay afterwards?, now if that was any other bar in any other country you would be out the window or door in a second but this is Japan people forgive each other & it’s a lot more relaxed. Still don’t be sick!!We manage to get back to our hotel where I fall flat out of my bed & cut my face, not a good move.  It was my first time using a Japanese toilet that had the all the gadgets, I remember watching a world cup documentary with Fat Boy Slim when he was describing the toilets. This was a new experience, you sit on the loo & you have about 3 different sprays that clean your bottom & other parts, your testicles, vagina if you got one, they all get the spray & clean, very state of the art, Bit weird at first but you do get use to it & begin to appreciate what the Japanese are good at.

Morning comes & I am feeling like I’ve just been beaten up by a group of Nazi skin head chavs, my head is totally hanging!!  We make our way to Shinjuku train station which is about twice the size of Kings cross or Waterloo, Its massive, a complete maze, I am feeling like I wanted to faint, I went in to a shop stumbling all over the shop, I ended up buying a selection of Cheese, very random, it was also very expensive, no idea why I bought this, I just fancied cheese but this was real smelly cheese!!! We meet up with matt’s wife Naomi & catch the train to Naomi’s hometown Shizuoka where we were staying for the next 2 days.  This was a real break from the busy city & late nights of Tokyo, this was real Japan, countryside stunning views, mountains, snow, fresh air, and it was like being in heaven.

We spent the day resting mainly, Naomi’s parent’s mama & papa were the most welcoming & friendliest parents you could probably ever meet, they were very warm to me even though they couldn’t speak much English, I felt awkward as I was a complete stranger staying at their house but they made me feel very relaxed.  We went & had some dinner at some Japanese diner place which was nice. Following day Papa takes me, Matt & wife Naomi on probably one of the most beautiful & scenic tours of my entire life, we drove to the famous Mount Fuji that was glissining in the bright sunshine, I took some fantastic photo’s, it was a beautiful day & it was an unforgettable moment. After seeing Mount Fuji in all its glory we drove to some natural waterfalls called Shiraito falls that run from the mountains, another spectacular view & I took some more pictures of the scenery, and took in a deep breath of the fresh mountain air in such tranquillity.

After a long day it was time for me to experience a traditional Japanese Spa called an onsen.  I was in need of sometime to relax and this was the perfect place to be, it was my first time in a public bath with a load of old wrinkly Japanese blokes completely butt naked, it was a bit daunting at first, you get a little towel to cover up your genitals & that’s it, I am lucky it wasn’t that busy as I got to use all the spas & saunas in peace, it’s a very thepeutic place to be, after a while you forget  your completely naked & it doesn’t matter if you hung like a donkey or got a wee party sausage everyone’s there to chill out, now if you had something like this in the UK it would probably turn in to a gay orgy run by gay lords.   After spending an hour in the spa I left feeling a billion dollars & bit light headed & dehydrated.   Evening time we had an enjoyable dinner at the house with the family, my chop stick skills were now premier league status & a knife & fork was for conference users only even Papa was impressed, after dinner we had a game of Golf on the Nintendo Wi, I was absolutely shocking!! It’s not like real golf, still a good laugh.  Next day we left the home & headed back to Tokyo as Matt & Naomi were heading home, it was quite emotional to leave the house as it was a beautiful place to be. Naomi’s brother drove us back to Tokyo which took us about 2 hours.

Once back in Tokyo I checked in to the hotel Ibis which was bang in the centre of Rappongi & close to the nightlife action. I got myself together and made my way to Harujuku a classy area of Tokyo, I went there to meet a bloke called Guy Perryman who is an experienced radio presenter & has been in Japan the last 18 years, he presents a morning radio show in Tokyo, we made our way to his tiny little studio where I had a quick radio interview on Dirty Retro & my music. Guy is very well connected in the club & music scene in Tokyo & he hooked me up a gig to DJ that night at a fashion party at a smart little club called Velour’s.  Finding Velour’s proved to be a bit of a nightmare, my cab driver like every other cab driver in Tokyo didn’t understand any English or couldn’t read English, he ended up dropping me off on the wrong street which meant I had to somehow find the club by instinct, I asked 8 people if they knew where Velour’s was, the only answer I got was in Japanese. It took me about 45mins to find the club which ended up being hidden down some stairs behind a posh clothes store.

Once in the club I got chatting to some party people, it was a good vibe, the main man who was hosting the party Brandon Downer was from New York & new some of my friends from the states, it’s a small world.  he also played a very dodgy dj set that night, I jumped on the decks or pioneers cdjs whatever you want to call them, I played a mix of house, classics, some old bootlegs I got a great response and allot of handshakes & hi fives which is always a great feeling when your djing.  It was getting late & the club was less full than earlier but still had a great evening, Velour’s is a very classy & swanky little club that I recommend visiting if your ever in Tokyo.

Next day, it was my final day in Tokyo I decided to go shopping in the times square area, I ended up getting stuck in Shinjuku station for about an hour kept on going the wrong exit & ended up in the sky scraper district where all the big business’s were based, time wasn’t on my side as I was due to meet up With Natasha a Reading fan from back home that lives & works in Japan, I finally get my bearings right & end up in this 20 floor shopping complex that was a real head ache it was Saturday & was as busy as Christmas shopping back home, it was mental!!!, people literally cueing everywhere, I tried to get in a lift to get me back down to ground level but when the lift doors open, there were about 12 Japanese squashed In like sardines, so I took the safer option of the stairs. After my heroics in shopping centres, I met up with Tash outside Kiddy land which is a massive toy shop that sales toys that are more advanced than anything you would see back home.

Tash took me to a smart restaurant where I ordered a raspberry Mojito cocktail, this came out full of raspberries & did not live up to my expectation in fact it tasted fucking horrible I couldn’t drink it without having about 8 raspberries stuck in my gums per sip, I ended up leaving it otherwise I would of done the same as the auzzie a few nights ago.  For dinner I ordered a steak, I asked for the steak medium well done, it came out dripping with blood, it was in fact still alive, I felt bad that the dinner was going horribly wrong, I normally take this sort of stuff on the chin & just eat it, but on this occasion I wasn’t enjoying what  I was hoping to enjoy, the steak eventually came out cooked to my liking no doubt with a bit of spit & homemade cheese marinated on top, as it had a strange taste,  I made sure I cleaned the plate, I didn’t want to look like too much of a moaning fussy English snob.  After the eventful dinner where nothing went right it was off to an Irish bar where I and Tash had a good chin wag about our favourite football team Reading, it was great meeting someone who had so much interest & love in Reading FC.  If only every woman understood the importance of football like Natasha does.

After the Irish bar I was planning on visiting Womb which is apparently one of the best clubs in the world.  Unfortunately I never made it to womb as it was a drum & bass night and I didn’t fancy spending £30 on a cab fare there and back. I ended up in Rappongi where I went to this bar behind my cheap ibis hotel, they were showing Tottenham on TV & I sat at the bar had a few beers & chatted to some ooh arr Henry public school boy from Kensington who was travelling alone. After chatting about the A list club scene in London and how posh it is to drink grey goose vodka I  ended up at the club next door which was called Midas.

I blagged my way in to Midas, once inside I had access all area as I got a VIP stamp. The club was packed out full of hot girls & lots of black guys mainly Americans, I actually felt like I was in LA or Miami, the club was packed it had a fancy elevator for access to each floor, the top floor was a chill out room that had internet & a very relaxed bar, I was the only one in there so I bought a beer & quickly checked my emails, which was a bad idea as I received an email from back home with a message telling me that the DJ never showed up at my club on a Saturday night so I was a bit fucked off with this.   I spilt my beer over then made my way back down to the main floor where the DJ was pumping out the hip hop, I started getting close to a cute Japanese girl called Naho, we were dancing & chatting, having fun, if only I wasn’t leaving early the next morning!.  Naho and I sat down and had a chat until a big brawl broke out right next to us, this was like something out of an 80’s English pub fight or a Bruce Lee movie, some American jerk was going wild, he had been drinking in the vip area above where me and naho were sitting below, I don’t know what happened but this pumped up American jerk probably on HGH or steroids was letting off steam, it took 4 Big security guys to restrain him, for some reason the security let go off him for 2 seconds, The loony American jerk jumped about 5 foot in the air back in to the vip room where he started punching this black dude & his girlfriend straight in the fucking face, complete madness!!,  I had my arm around Naho as she was petrified even I was a bit unsure, I’ve seen lots of fights in my time but this was something special, we had ringside seats.  The fight eventually stopped much to my relief, it killed the mood in the club totally, by this point I just wanted to go back to my hotel room with Naho but this never happened. As I left the club on my jack, it was snowing outside a great sight and a great end to a beautiful week in Japan.  Japanese people are the friendliest & warmest people you will ever meet.
Sunday morning snow was tipping it down, I was concerned it was that heavy I thought my flight may be delayed, I caught the coach to Narita airport & checked in for my Thai airways flight to Bangkok, when I originally booked this flight I never realised how long it actually takes it was an 8 hour haul!! I asked if I could be sat towards the front of the plane as once I land I have to make a quick exit so I can get to the club on time as I was djing that night at Twisted Republic in Bangkok. Much to my annoyance & typical of my luck, the flight ended up being 45mins behind schedule & they sat me at the very back of the plane in fact the end row seat 73 B, right next to the toilets, it smelt lovely, I asked the old & stuck up air stewardess if I could move seat to the front as I explained my situation.  I sat in my economy seat next to the toilet for 7 & half hours, the vice captain on the plane eventually let me sit at the front of the plane for the remaining 30mins so I could make this quick exit.

Bangkok

Once the plane landed I dashed out in a rush as I had an hour & half until my DJ Set at Twisted Republic. I got past customs relevantly quick. I rang Holly up whilst in the line; she was busy getting ready at the time as she was playing the earlier warm up set for me.  I took a cab from the airport to the hotel I was booked in to that was on the same street as the club, I had the fastest shower in out & then made my way straight to the club. I was absolutely knackered from no sleep & a long flight my body clock was totally screwed up from jet lag & travelling. I got to the club an hour later than planned.  The beautiful Holly Bee was there shining in her glitter face & shaking her thing behind the decks.  

It was a Sunday night & the club wasn’t that full, Darren Mac quality guy who booked us sorted us a few drinks which I didn’t really feel like drinking. Holly & I played a half decent set considering our tiredness Holly had travelled from London on that same day & I had come from Tokyo, being a DJ isn’t all that glamourus.   We played our set got paid about 1000 baht and then took a tok tok back to the hotel where we rested for about 3 hours, Holly gave me the best back massage I’ve had in ages, At the hotel myself and Holly felt a bit strange as if we had our drinks spiked this might of well happened as there were a few dodgy blokes hanging around the DJ booth eyeing up holly & definitely not me.  3 hours later we had to get a cab to the airport so we could get a plane to Koh Samui our next destination. We pre booked our cab that ended up taking us to the wrong fucking airport!!, we arrived at the wrong airport & found out it was international flights only!, so in a flap & sweat we tried to get another cab this time to the right airport, trying to explain to a special needs Thai cabby where we needed to go was a real nightmare they  had no sense what so ever, we finally found a cab driver who knew which airport we needed to be at, we only had about an hour to our flight left,  I was in heart attack mode Holly was as chilled as a cucumber, Our cab driver was normal he drove like a complete nutta he would of been banned about 5 times & have 20 points if he had been driving in England, I thought we going to crash thank god we made it to the airport on time & got on our stupidly early flight to koh samui it was 6.30am in the morning and we needed breakfast.

Koh Samui

The short flight to samui was alright, we landed at samui & we were met there by Mike Moovz the guy who had booked us to DJ at his club the Q Bar, a club that I have played at before but in Bangkok. We made our way to our hotel which was down the hill from the Q Bar, our hotel apartments were very nice with a nice view from room, Holly & I had separate rooms for our own privacy & to be sensible of course, my room smelt of old poo, I couldn’t work out where it was coming from?  As we had arrived in koh samui so early we had the whole day to chill & get some rest before the big night ahead.   For some odd known reason I couldn’t sleep a wink although I was physically & mentally drained. I & my new DJ partner went for a nice dinner on the beach after our rest where we experienced our first bit of Thai fish that was going to be our choice for the next 4 days, FISH, FISH, and FISH. Holly likes her fish.  We had a quick massage after dinner which was nice & relaxing. We got back to our apartment & got ready for our next DJ Set at the Q Bar. Holly made her way to the club before I did, I ended up having to climb up the steepest hill ever to get to the club I was working up a real sweat by the time I got there.   Once at the club it was slow & not many people were in the place as it was a Monday.  The club has a nice set up located right up in the hills with a wonderful view over looking Samui. We ended up djing for about 3 hours; I drunk quite allot & played a very tribal Ibiza style set.  It was just a shame it wasn’t that busy. 

After Djing at the Q Bar Holly & I made our way in to the main town of samui where the famous green mango & all the other meat market clubs are situated.  We went to Solar which was packed out, it was heaving in fact, I met some Thai girl briefly & then lost her as well as losing my partner in crime Holly who disappeared apparently to use the internet????. I ended up being on my own so I went & spoke to the DJ & asked if I could jump on & do a superstar guest DJ  set, he was cool & said yes, I had left my CDs at the apartment so had to get a quick cab back there on the way I stopped off at burger king for a quick whopper to sober me up as I was still a bit drunk, I get back to the Club Solar at 4am the club was still packed & buzzing, I jumped on the decks & played a mixed up set of vocal & electro house gems, it was immense behind the dj booth, it was 100 degrees heat but the energy & feeling was ecstasy, The atmosphere went off, I was trying to look for holly in the crowd but she was nowhere to be seen.  I even took her records as I wanted her to experience the energy with me.  I played for an hour & a half & it was one of the highlights of this trip.
After an entertaining night in Samui Holly & I were leaving for Koh Pagaghn the full moon party island that I once visited 3 years ago. We took the catamaran which takes about 20 mins. On arrival at Koh Pagahn I had to find us a place to stay for the night, this proved to be quite a mission as a lot of the places were booked up, we stayed in a little hut just off Hadrin beach which was expensive compared to what I once paid 3 years ago. The Thai people are quickly catching on with increase inflation & putting up the prices.  Koh phagan was very over crowed & polluted by tourists & back packers, quite upsetting for me to see as the first time I visited it was so much more natural & more relaxed not very crowded, there was building work going on literally everywhere a real shame how they are trying to make the island more westernised & even more tourist friendly, the local people may regret this one day, It’s all about money of course.

The beautiful Holly & I went for another romantic candle lit dinner where we ended up eating more fish I had a snapper which was barbequed & burnt on a big grill next to our table.  After the Fish it was on to the main beach of Hardrin where the wild & crazy party goers were dancing to the worst type of shit techno gabber trance crap dance music. It was painfully bad to watch so many people enjoying this bad music, We thought everyone was off their  face on LCD acid or some kind of happy Thai pill but apparently not it was all alcoholic beverages & the famous bucket which I ended up buying.  A bucket with a bottle of vodka, red bull, & ice & some straws thrown in for good measure all for about 4 quid it gets you smashed!!. Holly does not drink so this became a small issue as I was in the mood to get pissed & fucked; we ended up moaning & chatting together & watching the fools dancing around fire & the crazy Thai locals setting off fireworks in front of your face. They even had a fire rope game where pissed people had to skip & jump quick & high over the burning rope without getting their legs burnt.

After having a nice chat on the beach Holly managed to get herself a set at the cactus club later on that night, we made our way back to the hut where I got a reasonable early night for once. I woke up & there was no holly? She seems to disappear quite often I thought it might be something to do with my bad company or my smelly feet or maybe I am paranoid from weed smoking as a teenager?  That morning I woke up to find my hands & feet in a rash, I had some kind of allergic reaction to something or been bitten, I was slightly worried as I had a constant annoying itch, I went to a pharmacy where a Thai lady tried to skank me in to seeing the doctor for a stupid price, she even said my rash could be fatal anything to get some extra baht ey, I bought some kind of homemade antiseptic cream & some dodgy orange pills that supposedly help, this set me back a few quid & put my mind at ease that I now wasn’t going to die.

While I was busy getting medication & relaxing in the sun making the most of my final day in the sun, must get a tan, must get a tan, need to look tanned for when I get home!! While I was doing all this Holly went on a mission to go snorkelling the other side of the island, I eventually met up with her later at the port where we had to get the catamaran back to Samui, it was only a brief visit to koh pagahn I wish we could of stayed longer but time wasn’t on our side.

We made our way back to Samui, Again time was no t really on our side it was our last afternoon/evening together so Holly & I went & had one last meal at a fancy restaurant near Green Mango & the main strip in koh samui. After dinner it was back to the apartment briefly to get ready for our final gig at the Q Bar again, this time Holly & myself were playing an early evening ececeltic chill out set, I quite enjoy these sort of sets as they are lot more relaxed & less intense compared to playing full on house music. We mixed up a selection of soulful house, funk, jazzy grooves to a small crowd of early drinkers, after are set we had a chat with Mr Mike Mooves the American promotion guy who booked us, we asked about our payment for this, he gave us some old chestnut story that he had no budget to pay us not even 1000 baht to help us pay for the travel. As it was it cost me £300 just for a flight for me & holly from Bangkok to samui. We never got paid even after he said he would try & drop off 1000 baht to us before we left, this never happened & we haven’t heard from him since??

After our pointless set at the Q Bar we made our way back down to Samui’s nightlife & visited a few bars & clubs including the mint bar that I once played at 3 years ago. The owner there Simon an English bloke originally from Brighton was telling me how he bought the club 5 years ago when he was just 25 & how he has to pay protection to the right people so the Thai’s are happy, it sounded a bit dodgy, he also told me he had the club up for sale it did cross my mind but then I thought if I bought a club in Thailand I would most likely get shot after a week for something.

We went on a little crawl of most of the clubs in Samui; Holly played a few tunes at the famous green mango which is one of samui’s biggest clubs. We ended up at a club called sound which was open late & still quite busy by this point I was completely hammered I was all over the floor, Holly was busy chatting up the DJ & prob trying to blag another Set, I met a Thai girl called Knit they do have beculiar names. Me knit started dancing & having a dance I was still all over the place, I decided to go on stage & took this Thai bird with me, holly was giving it hands in the air with the DJ, I was busting out some shapes on the stage with a beer in hand, Thai bird was next to me. All of sudden I decided to jump off the stage on to the dance floor, instead of jumping off I tripped off in a pissed movement landed flat on the floor right on my left ribs, my beer flew in the air & then landed on top of me, I must of looked like a right twat!!! It was all very sudden I turn around everything was blurred, the Thai barman or sound guy not sure who he was? Gave me a helping hand back up, the thail girl I was with was also embarrassed & I tried to put on a brave face & laugh about it, in fact I was in complete fucking agony, I couldn’t breath as I had winded myself, I couldn’t fucking talk, I just laughed in pain, I ordered a bottle of water & sat down for a few minutes. For some reason Holly who was behind the DJ Booth DJ not see my tits up flying stage dive, she was busy waving her hands in the air like a DJ on acid!

I was still in a real bad way my chest mainly ribs were hurting & this is when I was pissed out of my head.  I & the Thai bird went back to my hotel. I went in to the bathroom to see my bruised/broken ribs, there was not much I could do, I didn’t want to go to hospital at 4 in the morning with this random Thai girl, what would they do anyway? I came out of the bathroom to find this Thai girl butt naked in my bed fast asleep snoring!!!, I couldn’t wake her she was a goner, I then decided to go & see Holly who was staying in the room above me, I told her my problems, standing there drunk in my pants & nothing else, I was in a bad way I was badly injured I also had a random Thai girl in my bed that I now wanted to get rid of.  It was a dramatic dilemma & one tricky situation I got myself in to. Morning came & I had about 20mins sleep, the Thai girl left my room, I said to her she you come to England sometime there’s a new Thai restaurant opening next to my bar in Woking, I don’t think she understood me, anyway she made a move rather fast, thank god. That was the last night of my 10 day Asian tour & one night never to be forgotten.

It was time to go home; it’s always sad leaving a foreign destination even if we were only there 4 days. Now I wasn’t looking forward to my long trip back I had a 22 hour journey ahead of me, my itinerary was like this: I had to fly from koh samui to Bangkok 1 hour, then Bangkok to Tokyo 7 hours then Tokyo to London 13 Hours. It was a mission around the right side of the globe. When I arrived in Bangkok Holly & I made a quick trip to the MBK Centre to get some last minute gifts. I left Bangkok & arrived at Narita airport in Tokyo at about 6am on arrival I had to somehow find my way to the virgin desk for my next transfer. The airport didn’t have a body insight it was in fact like the end of the world I was the only person in the airport it was freaky, there was literally no one about, it was a ghost of an airport very strange all the shops restaurants were closed & didn’t open till 8am. I went & had a shit to waste some time & then went on the internet before seeing a Japanese human it was an early morning cleaner, I asked her what time the airport opens, she looked at me blank faced & carried on cleaning. Finally 8am arrived & I found out where my flight departure gate number. Narita is a great airport if you need some sleep they have day rooms which I went & used, this worked out about £5 hour but you get your own bed & shower, so I had a sleep for 3 hours then had a shower & felt fresh & ready for my 12&half hour economy seat flight back to London.